Relatively Speaking...

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

I came across this quote this morning and thought it was worth sharing. Helen Keller is a true testament to overcoming adversity. I think though sometimes we have a tendency to view such people as "larger than life" or having faced difficulties much harder than our own. It is important to remember not to downplay our own life challenges - in our day to day experiences, they are as imposing and daunting as the challenges of Helen Keller. Our challenges are largely defined by how we choose to cope with them - NOT by other peoples perception of how difficult they are. Our challenges are all relative to our own experience, therefore it is not for others to judge us as to whose challenges are greater or bigger than others. There are challenges I see others face that make me wonder how I would possibly cope if I were faced with them. By the same token, I know that people look at me and think, "How does she manage all that - the poor dear!" It is very true that "the demons that we know are better than the demons that we don't"...

As I think about the child who will be introduced to my world, I think about challenges in my life - past and present - that I see as "normal" that might be new to them...and wonder what challenges they have faced and overcome - or continue to face daily - that will be very new to me...and realize from the quote above that the common ground will be strength, inspiration and success....(and laughter!)

striving for grace and joy...building character along the way...shash

Elusive Grace

I have always enjoyed a challenge, but I was a bit daunted by the thought of defining what the word grace means to me. When I hear the word, images come to mind: Grace Kelley, Amazing Grace, and dinner grace to name a few. I obviously needed a direction, so logically I began with a dictionary. Webster’s Abridged definition of grace runs fully 3 column inches, in 6-point typeface, with no less than 11 possible meanings. Though heartened by the fact that even Webster finds the word grace enigmatic, it did nothing to help me. I then remembered the collection of witticisms and quotes plastered on my den wall. In the center of this maelstrom was a copy of The Desiderata. After re-reading this missive, I realized that grace is not so much quantifiable as it is a subtle undercurrent that affects how we approach life. Sometimes grace seems not to be present, other times it has a pull so strong it cannot be ignored. Grace is not the grandiose things we do in life, or the beautiful things we have in life, but the ability to sustain and create beauty when all selfish motives are stripped away.

Grace exists when people choose to ignore differences rather than underscore them. There is no grace in a rich man donating a wing to a hospital. Generosity, compassion, some ego – yes, but not grace. Grace is when that man plays a game of chess every week for years with my father, for no reason other than a mutual love of the game.

Grace is present when a weary single mother finds her power shut off, and to comfort her child, smiles, lights every candle in the house and makes shadow puppets on the wall.

I see Grace in my friend Michelle, who has the humility to believe that something exists in this universe that is much bigger than us. She does not preach or pass judgment, or feel the need to argue righteousness. She does not have to, she is so confident in her beliefs internally that she exudes her own grace externally. That beauty shows in everything she does.

I mentioned selfish motives in my thesis. I define these more specifically as human vices like anger, sloth, avarice, vanity and envy, which we all can succumb to at some point in our lives. Grace cannot manifest itself when these vices are present, but like darkness and light, grace cannot exist without their opposing context to frame it.

Grace is a subtlety; an almost divine sense of self and purpose that needs us to simply allow it to exist. As an undercurrent, grace cannot be acted upon, but it can flow through us. We cannot call on it, or find it; the harder we try, the more elusive it becomes. Insecure people use vices as pedestals, so good intentions are often seen as selfish acts. If we could just remember that grace is always there, waiting for us – and our frailties – to step aside, maybe we could find and create the selfless beauty in life that is Grace.

A Bright Red Sloop in the Harbor...

This is how American poet Anne Sexton once defined luxury. An informal poll of my friends and family revealed pipedreams of private jets, maids and summer homes. Definitions of luxury are as subjective and varied as the dreams attached. To me, luxuries are not pipedreams unlikely to ever be realized, but a mindset of attainable, non-essentials that contribute to my pleasure and comfort.

I believe that luxury can be separated into sub-groups, the first of which is, “Stuff that is easier to complain about NOT having.” Into this category, I put bubble baths, pedicures and eyebrow waxes. None of these are “big-ticket” items. If they were a true priority in my life, they could be attained with relative ease. It would take no effort for me to lock myself in the bathroom, light scented candles and hang a sign on the door that says, “If you dare knock, something had better be bleeding, burning or broken!” Apparently, these things aren't all that important, or I would pamper myself a bit more.

The second sub-group I call “Back in Black” luxuries. These are things that seem like novelties in the beginning, but when the reality hits that you couldn’t financially survive without them, it stings. These are things like shopping at garage sales; fun when you’re 16, a little harder to reconcile at 36. A true luxury for me would be shopping at Target and not worrying about it. Coupon clipping also goes into this category. I would love to shop at Hen House and stop running between bakery thrift stores and double-coupon days. Creative bill paying also goes here; comfort would be not paying bills based on which ones were in danger of being shut off.

The luxuries I have now though, far outweigh the above and are the most dear. I call them “Karmatic Luxuries”. These are home, family, truth, beauty and goodwill. They are luxuries because when I can share these with people around me, I immediately receive both pleasure and comfort. The true reward, however, is that I am also “paying it forward”. Every time I see one of my children reach out to help a stranger, or comfort a friend, I know how blessed I am. If I can inspire people around me to keep faith, and not lose hope, I am paying it forward. If, by example, my children see that material rewards should be the pleasant by-product of a life well-lived, not the purpose, then I will happily clip coupons forever.

Is my definition of luxury today different than ten years ago? Absolutely. I would expect no less of life’s journey. Do I expect it to change in the future? Certainly. As I stated in my opening, luxuries are attainable, and as I do that, I expect new desires to fill those vacancies. I think the key to success is to recognize that wants are different than needs, and if you can separate the two, a life of luxury isn't that hard to realize.

I despise exercise...

but not for the obvious reasons. I dislike it because I have to commit to it and anyone who knows me can tell you, I can't commit to wearing the same pair of socks for an entire day! I also despise it because I am now at a point that even I know I MUST do it...no longer a choice...and I HATE being told what to do - even by my own body. At this point, it almost seems futile..I have no desire to be the next Susan Powder (sp?)...you know, the "Stop the Insanity" hardbody...which is good, because she's a freak of nature. I know, I know...they always say, the best time to do something is when you don't feel like doing it etc...builds discipline or some squawk like that...but if you really think about it, that would mean that you will NEVER be able to give yourself an out. If every time you feel like slacking, you bully through and do it anyway, you become just another robotic drone with no free-will whatsoever! If I subscribed to that life-choice, I would never be allowed to say no to myself...now there are plenty of things in my life that I cannot say no to without dire consequences: car payments, utility bills, laundry...but I guess I would like to control just one thing in my life...my body...and by george, if my body says, "Today isn't gonna work for me..." I would like that to be okay...without the guilt and failure complexes every Nike and Mountain Dew commercial has subliminally implanted in my brain. So today, I give myself permission not to exercise...and my body is thanking me...so free yourselves...exercise when you feel like it - as a reward for loving youself - not a persecutorial punishment for merely channel or web surfing (both highly underrated activities)...and not because someone says you have to...c'mon...the Great Bambino lived on a diet of hot dogs, alcohol and cigars...and that's part of what makes him so spectacular...anyone can break records on a diet of granola and steroids! So on that note...I sign off...having only exercised my metacarpals!

Independence Day

United we stand
For just one night
Beryl skies the palette
Starbursts bloom as sanguine rain
And Minutremen pay homage
With mortar shells that pierce through time
Recalling Death is Freedom's utmost tariff