Dylan getting "Right with God" on April 23rd at his First Holy Communion...I am a practicing Catholic - it works for me...personally I don't care if my kids join the "Church of Brian" but I do think it's important that they learn that there is a greater force than us - whatever you care to call it: Karma, energy, the Great Spirit, Allah...in the words of Gertrude Stein, "a rose is a rose is a rose..." So here are the Catholic Cliff Notes I sent my brother...if ya' can't laugh at yourself then everyone else is just laughing AT you!now, a quick brush up for fallen Catholics...
pen-ance (pen-UNCE) v. fr. Latin penintentiarius - confessor...reconcilio - repair
a child's first soul scrubbing...frought with panic, fire and brimstone as the young child must determine if it is better to confess eating meat on Friday in Lent, or confess that when they remembered, they wasted the rest of the hamburger by throwing it away. This is a necessary ritual before the child can receive communion (see below) as receiving communion into an unscrubbed soul can result in eternal damnation and nasty acid reflux.
comm-un-ion (kuh-MEW-nyon) n. fr. Lat. commessatio - to eat together...a child's first experience actually eating a little piece of God. Devout Catholics believe that the mystery of the Mass occurs when the bread and wine are actually TRANSFORMED into the 2000 year old decayed flesh and blood of their savior. It is now believed that there is a direct correllation between this belief and the need for intensive psychiatric counseling later in life.
con-fir-ma-tion (khan-fur-MAY-shun) n. fr. Lat confirmo - to confirm(imagine that!) the sacrament where Catholic teens lie to the Bishop by telling him that they VOLUNTARILY are choosing Catholocism as their OWN religion. The Bishop, knowing full well that these kids are only there to score points with their parents, slaps them publicly to humiliate them into submission and servitude to God.
hope that helped...lol...you should go to church more!!
7 comments:
Hi,
I'm not laughing! _Au contraire,_ I'm very proud of your kid and of you for letting him being a Catholic. I'm also a practicing Roman Catholic, and very proud!
Keep the good work!
God bless,
Kike
I AM laughing! You just summed up the major rites perfectly! But where were the nuns with rulers? (I only wish I was joking ...)
Thanks!
to Kike - thank you for your support. Any way you slice it, it is not easy to get kids motivated and involved when it comes to any religion. All chuckles aside, my son was very proud that day as was I.
to IAI...I had the nuns for 12 years...thankfully I missed the rulers by a few. I was raised with the Growing Up Catholic books and being Irish, the humor helped!
Church of Brian. Hehe, you crack me up.
I wrote that KNOWING you would appreciate it!
Try being the Irish-Italian Catholic kid ... one side would yell, the other side would smack! And I not only got nuns ... I got the BROTHERS. YIKES!
and I thought I had it rough! I will light a candle for you so you don't rot in purgatory =)
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